Just Breathe
by jeviennis
Summary: What Blaine always taught Kurt to do.


Just Breathe

It's 9:07pm on a Friday evening. There are candles alight on the table, lasagne in the oven, and Blaine should be home by now.

Kurt's getting worried.

He paces up and down the wooden floor of their New York apartment, his shoes the only thing making a sound. It feels like hours before he finally sits down.

9:09pm.

His flight was supposed to have come in at 7pm, giving him a 2 hour window in which to make a 20 minute journey. The traffic's fine. Kurt checks the weather reports. Nothing of any interest.

He flicks randomly through the TV channels until he hits something mindless and brain numbing; the 24 hour news.

"_We are receiving live updates that the wreckage of a plane that crashed off of the end of a runway in a New York airport-"_

Kurt freezes and his heart plummets the height of the Empire State Building.

_No._

* * *

><p>In a blind panic, he searches the internet for more information, for any hint of a lie.<p>

The plane was from Los Angeles. Where Blaine had a business conference. It landed at JFK. Where Blaine was due to land. The flight number was 1123.

Blaine's flight number.

Like he's suddenly in slow motion, like time itself has frozen and the Earth has fallen away from beneath his feet, he makes the monumental effort of turning his head to face the TV again.

"_There were no survivors."_

Blaine's gone.

Breaking the eerie silence in the flat is his answering machine. The one that's been broken for weeks and doesn't give you the messages until hours after they've been left.

"_Hey, gorgeous! Just about to get on the plane now, so I'll be home in time for what I'm sure will be the best anniversary meal yet and the most mind-blowing sex in, ooh, 3 days!"_

A pause.

"_I love you."_

Another pause.

"_See you on the other side, baby."_

The line goes dead.

* * *

><p>Kurt wears Blaine's Dalton sweatshirt as he curls up on Blaine's side of the bed. Staring at him from Blaine's bedside table is a picture of the two of them on their wedding day, tears on their faces and hearts in their eyes.<p>

His phone vibrates on the window sill. No doubt it's Burt calling him, but if he picks up, there'll be silence. What do you say to someone whose world's just come to an end? Burt will remember from experience that there's nothing you can possibly say to a person who has lost everything they've ever loved.

The phone stops vibrating.

The evening light fades and turns dark, and Kurt can't do anything. He's forgotten how to do anything but ache inside, like someone's punching a hole through his chest, pounding over and over and over. He just curls himself up tighter, staring out of the window at the planes flying overhead, not really seeing any of it. The only thing he does know how to do is breathe, and that's only because Blaine taught him to.

He'd had a panic attack after Carole had called him and told him that his father had fallen down the stairs. Without waiting for any further information he'd starting hyperventilating and all he could do was choke out Blaine's name. Blaine had come sprinting in and thrown himself at Kurt's feet, grabbing his cheeks with his hands and bringing their foreheads together.

"_Just breathe, Kurt,"_ he'd whispered.

_Just breathe._

So that's what Kurt does. Not because he wants to, because he's pretty sure that he'd never wanted to keep himself alive less than right now, but because Blaine told him to.

And he's not going to let Blaine down.

* * *

><p>2am.<p>

He finally drags himself out of their bedroom, exhausted and empty, when there's a knock at the door. It's the police, wearing their token sympathetic frowns and sad eyes.

All he does is nod and close the door again.

The answer machine bleeps again.

"_Hi, me again. I'm calling you from the plane to say we're about 20 minutes away, which means that I will be seeing your beautiful face in an under an hour. Which is good, because I miss you like hell. So I'll see you in a bit, 'kay babe? Oh, and I still love you, in case you forgot."_

Silence again.

Just when Kurt thinks his heart can't possibly break anymore, a little bit more shatters, the shards clawing at him.

There's another message after that. Without thinking, Kurt hits the play button.

"_Kiddo, it's Dad. I saw the news. Kurt, I'm sorry."_

And then he snaps.

All around him there's a wailing, inhuman noise piercing the air. It takes him a second to realise it's him as he crumples to the ground. When he reaches out blindly, desperate for something to hold onto, the two words Blaine spoke to him that one night ring in his ears.

He doesn't really see how he can, though. Not anymore.

* * *

><p>A sound from the hallway.<p>

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

Blaine's hazel eyes stare at him from his daughter's face.

_Just breathe, _Blaine tells him.

_Just breathe._


End file.
